‘Morbius’ Isn’t Much of a Blood-Sucker

All actors deserve a second chance at a comic book/superhero movie franchise, don’t they? Ryan Reynolds may have painfully endured a dismal critical and commercial defeat with “The Green Lantern,” but he shot to soaring heights with “Deadpool.” Chris Evans suffered through those first two “Fantastic Four” films, and then he gave us the best Steve Rogers we could ever have with the “Captain America” trilogy. So surely Oscar winner Jared Leto is entitled to a second wind after his disastrous performance in the infinitely disappointing “Suicide Squad,” right?

Well, while Leto may fare a little better playing the brilliant but physically disabled scientist Dr. Michael Morbius in the Marvel/Columbia Pictures film “Morbius,” it quickly proves to be a stunning bore filled with too many stone-faced performances, pathetic CGI effects that belong in a 1990’s motion picture instead of this one, and a story which fails to dig deeper into the characters’ psyches to give us something more compelling. Instead, we get a comic book/superhero movie that plays it way too safe and seems to have borrowed far too many storylines and lines of dialogue from superior films of its genre. And after “The Batman,” I am now just far too sick and tired of watching bats flying all over the silver screen.

Like many scientists in your average cinematic event, Michael is looking to cure himself of a rare blood disease that has left him physically hobbled, and he looks to share this cure with his best friend, Milo/Lucien (Matt Smith), who has only so much time left to live. To gain ingredients for his brand of medicine, Michael gathers up a bunch of bats which he puts into a glass cage for use at his disposal. But then the time comes when he decides to try his cure on himself because, you know, why risk anyone else’s life? But despite the fact he is a Nobel Prize-winning physician who is extraordinarily bright and has prepared for every possible reaction to the chemicals he has been working with, it all goes horribly awry and turns him into a monster. Otherwise, you know, we wouldn’t have a movie. And, as with Tobey Maguire in “Spider-Man,” he gets a nice set of abs in the process, showing the amount of time the actor spent in the gym.

With this, Michael now has a form of transgenic vampirism which has given him superhuman abilities but none of the weaknesses, meaning he can walk in the sunlight without turning into a burnt shish kabob. When Milo wants to try the cure on himself, Michael refuses to give it to him because he sees it as a curse and does not want anyone else to end up in his predicament. But it’s too late because Milo already got a hold of the serum and somehow managed to administer it to himself. This left me thinking; is Milo a doctor? How did he know how to inject it? Moreover, when did he find the time to inject it and develop his own superhuman powers so quickly? Well, when you want to defeat the Grim Reaper at his own game…

“Morbius” does pose some interesting questions for the viewer such as the moral choices Michael faces as he wonders how long he can remain relativity sane before he is forced to drink human blood, and if he will be forced to bite the necks of innocent civilians in the process. The screenplay by Matt Sazama and Bruce Sharpless, however, is hollow at its core and becomes more concerned with filling the screen full of fights between Michael and Milo, all of which are rendered with subpar CGI effects, instead of giving this material any kind of depth. As a result, the whole movie quickly feels like a lost opportunity which makes “Blade: Trinity” seem more energetic in comparison.

As things went on, there were many scenes that took me out of the action as they reminded me of other movies which are far better than this one. The scene where Michael mingles with the bats feels like a steal from “Batman Begins” when Bruce Wayne, as an adult, rises amongst the winged creatures to confront his own childhood fears. Then there’s the scene where Michael tells a pair of FBI agents, “You don’t want to see me when I’m hungry.” Can anyone say “The Incredible Hulk?” And let us not forget the doctor’s storage room which is filled with both human blood and artificial blood which he created. We all know human blood is red, and the artificial blood looks blue. Now it has not been long since “The Matrix Resurrections” came out, and the whole red pill, blue bill thing has forever been burned into our collective consciousness. We know Michael is more eager to drink the blue blood, but sooner or later, we know he will have to go with the red stuff, and not just to see how deep the rabbit hole goes.

Another really big problem with “Morbius” comes down to how wooden everyone looks here. Leto looks to be deep into his character, but he shows little in the way of emotion, and he has little to no chemistry with Adria Arjona who plays his lover and confident Dr. Martine Bancroft. As for the others, Tyrese Gibson’s character of Simon Stroud has a face that looks etched in stone, Al Madrigal makes FBI agent Alberto Rodriguez look and sound like a John Munch wannabe whose jokes never generate much in the way of laughs, and Jared Harris is all but wasted in a supporting role as all he does is look overly concerned about everything and anything.

If there is any actor who deserves to come out of “Morbius” with any dignity, it’s Matt Smith. Right from the start, the former “Dr. Who” actor revels in portraying such a wonderfully crazed villain as no one is about to hold him back in his performance. Just when I thought I was going to pass out from boredom, Smith succeeded in keeping me awake as his energy was something everyone else onscreen could have drawn on. The only other actor who gave this material as much enthusiasm was Michael Keaton, and he only appears in a pair of post-credit scenes as his “Spider-Man: Homecoming” character of Adrian Toomes/Vulture. Am I giving anything away? No, trust me, I’m not.

When “Morbius” finally reaches its conclusion, the ending seemed very abrupt to where I could not help but say out loud, “That’s it?!” Clearly Columbia Pictures and Sony hope to continue the adventures of this vampire doctor as they desperately cling onto everything Spider-Man-related instead of letting Marvel Studios take everything over. Despite the massive success of “Spider-Man: No Way Home,” the Spider-Verse, as handled by Sony, continues to experience more bumps and bruises than anyone would like. Perhaps they should consider letting Marvel handle things from here, but considering the amount of money involved, that is clearly never going to happen.

At the end of the day, “Morbius” only succeeds in becoming one of the blandest comic book/superhero movies ever made. Seriously, it makes “Venom: Let There Be Carnage” look like a cinematic masterpiece in comparison. To quote Count Dooku from “Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones,” surely you can do better!

* out of * * * *

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