The “Friday the 13th” movies have always divided critics and moviegoers. The utter hatred of from critics like Gene Siskel and Roger Ebert ended up giving people more of a reason to see them. But that’s the great thing about “Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning” because it’s the first movie in this endless franchise which succeeded in bringing critics and fans together as everyone agrees this one is flat out terrible. After all these years, it remains the worst “Friday the 13th” movie ever, and it proved to be an utterly pathetic attempt to keep the series going. It was not unlike when Blake Edwards tried to continue “The Pink Panther” series after Peter Sellers passed away, and we all know how that turned out.
This sequel is the second in the Tommy Jarvis trilogy which started with “The Final Chapter” and concluded with “Jason Lives.” Corey Feldman returns briefly as Tommy, and we see him visiting Jason’s grave and hiding behind trees when two guys show up with shovels. They are the first of many stupid characters introduced here as they dig up Jason’s grave, and he immediately rises again and slashes them with a minimum of vicious effort. Following this, Jason then spots Tommy and goes over to get his revenge, and then Tommy wakes up. From there he is played by John Shepherd, and we see Tommy is still dealing with the psychological aftermath of killing Jason years later. Feldman’s presence in the film is a mere cameo as he was busy making a much better one called “The Goonies.”
We learn Tommy has gone from one mental hospital to another with increasing regularity, and “A New Beginning” starts with him arriving at the Pinehurst halfway house. Poor Tommy has been prescribed just about every antidepressant and anti-psychotic drug on the market, but this hasn’t stopped him from working out in the gym as he looks more buff than the average mental patient. It’s enough to help him beat the crap out of others, and we should at least admire Tommy for managing to survive puberty as killing Jason changed him for the worst.
Here’s what separates “A New Beginning” from all the other “Friday the 13th” movies with the exception of the original; Jason Voorhees is not the killer. This sequel is actually a whodunit, and you won’t know who the real killer is until the end. Or maybe you will if you look at the suspects very closely, especially their eyes. The Scooby Doo ending is unbelievably ridiculous as we learn the killer’s motive and how thy dressed up like Jason to keep from getting caught. This just adds to the unintentional humor this sequel elicits from scene to scene.
The characters in the “Friday the 13th” movies have never been more than one-dimensional human beings who are out to party and get laid, and this one doesn’t change that dynamic. What is different though is how infinitely annoying they are. Two teens named Pete and Vinnie bitch and moan at each other while they’re fixing their car (talk about a friendship which never should have been). Just check out their dialogue:
“Aww, what’s the matter, Vinnie? You scared of the dark? You all creeped out by that murder at the nuthouse?”
“Oh yeah, sure. Look, as far as I’m concerned, all those loonies should be killed off one by one. Can you try it now?”
“Geez, man, can’t you do anything? Stop screwing’ around! Get this thing done by the time I get back. I gotta take a crap.”
“Crap my ass!”
“Just do it, man! I mean it.”
Then there’s Billy, an employee at the halfway house, who gets all coked up to where he believes he is god’s gift to women. There’s at least one of these schmucks in every sequel:
“That’s it. That’s the whole frackin’ thing right there. There it is, you just stay right there, doll. That’s just what the doctor ordered. Nothing’ like a little prevented medicine. And, the forecast is; Cloudy in the mountains, sunny in the valleys, and snow flurries, up your nose!”
For some utterly bizarre reason, a local waitress named Lana can’t wait to screw Billy. Seriously, nobody can be that desperate:
“LANA! HEY, LANA!”
“Sorry buster, we’re closed.”
“It’s alright; I just want a take-out order.”
“You do, huh? Well, what would you like?”
“I would like Lana to go with nothing on her.”
“Oh, and who wants her?”
“The pride of the Unger Institute of Mental Health who has just dumped his last bedpan and would like very much to party.”
A developmentally challenged boy named Joey walks around with a chocolate bar in his hand offering help to anyone who needs it, but he inadvertently stains clothes that have just been washed. His gift of a candy bar is also melting in his hand, and this does not make it particularly appetizing. Not to give anything away, but he is the first to be killed off.
But these characters are nothing compared to Ethel and her man child of a son Junior whom she treats like crap. You’ll never find a more repellent set of characters in any “Friday the 13th” movie, and this includes “Jason Takes Manhattan.” Just imagine if Lenny from “Of Mice and Men” had a mother:
“That is one fucking ugly man that goes there.”
“That’s one fucking ugly man, Mama.”
“Would you shut your trap? You ain’t so pretty yourself, you know.”
“I ain’t so pretty myself, I know.”
In terms of the kills in “A New Beginning,” they are unimaginative and puny compared to what we saw in the previous films. The gag with the flare in a guy’s mouth was put to much better use in “Dead Calm.” Same thing goes with those gardening shears plucking out a character’s eyes as there have many knock offs which used this because Jason already had dibs on the machete.
But what this sequel is missing most is Tom Savini who gave us deaths and copious amounts of blood and gore combined with a vicious sense of reality. Savini stuck to his word that “The Final Chapter” would be his last “Friday the 13th” since it allowed him to kill off Jason for good, but those who took over from him cannot equal what he accomplished.
Also, time has not been kind to this sequel. There is a young boy named Reggie (Shavar Ross) who gets to meet up with his older brother, Demon (Miguel A. Núñez Jr.), who lives in a van outside of town. Demon looks like he came straight out of one of those 1980’s breakdancing, and seeing this style today makes an unintentionally hilarious sequel even more hilarious than it was ever intended to be.
Jason is played by Tom Morga, a stuntman who has worked on “Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End” and “Spider-Man 3” among other movies. His work as Jason is not bad, but it’s hardly memorable compared to what other actors like Kane Hodder brought to this character. Then again, this is not a role which requires method acting. Of course, if someone were to try method acting in this role, they would end up in solitary confinement or death row.
As Tommy, Shepherd gives us the most intense and screwed up version of this character as he manages to convey Tommy’s extreme mental anguish without having to say too much. In fact, Shepherd has only 24 words of dialogue throughout the whole movie, and this does not include all the laughing and yelling he does.
The director of this fiasco is the late Danny Steinmann whose other credits include “Savage Streets” and “The Unseen,” and “A New Beginning” ended up being his last film. Learning of this makes me feel sorry for him because no one wants their movie career to be cut short, and it sucks to be remembered for directing such a horrible movie.
You could say “Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning” is one of those movies which is so bad it’s good. Watching the bad acting, terrible dialogue and weak direction is an entertainment unto itself. But even though it has long since gained a cult following, nothing changes the fact this is the worst sequel in this franchise. After this one, it didn’t matter if bringing Jason back from the dead defied all logic. Anything was better than seeing the series take the course of Tommy Jarvis becoming the new Jason.
½* out of * * * *