Worst Movie Trailers Ever: ‘Swept Away’ (2002)

swept away 2002 movie trailer

You all know how much I love movie trailers, so it is only fair I begin writing about those which give you every reason not to watch the movie they are advertising. While many movie trailers get us hyped up to where expectations are elevated to an unrealistic level, there are others which make clear, be it intentionally or unintentionally, why we should not watch certain motion pictures.

My first exhibit in this category is for Guy Ritchie’s 2002 remake of “Swept Away.” Based on the 1974 Italian film of the same name and directed by Lina Wertmuller, it starred Ritchie’s then wife Madonna as Amber Leighton, an infinitely spoiled human being who looks determined to make life miserable for anyone she deems underneath her, and this includes her husband Tony (played by Bruce Greenwood). But the biggest recipient of her needless abuse is Giuseppe Esposito (Adriano Giannini), the first mate on the ship Amber is sailing to Italy on. When a storm ends up stranding Amber and Giuseppe on a deserted island (is there any other kind?), the tables turn to where they both fall in love.

This version of “Swept Away” is one of those movies you have definitely heard about but never bothered to watch when it arrived at your local multiplex. I still vividly remember watching its trailer for the first time back when I was a cast member at Disneyland, and I watched it with a fellow employee who had the same reaction to it I had.

Believe it or not, I am happy to defend Madonna on a number of movies she starred in. When it comes to “Desperately Seeking Susan,” “Dick Tracy,” “A League of Their Own” and “Evita,” she can be a mesmerizing talent to watch. But then there’s “Shanghai Surprise,” “Body of Evidence” and “The Next Best Thing” which leave us wondering what she is trying to prove. Seeing her in this “Swept Away” trailer is especially painful as it quickly becomes clear how one-note her performance will end up being. Watching her here is not the least bit appealing, and it makes one want to slap her for failing to dig deeper into her character or taking the chance to make Amber more complex than she was in the screenplay.

Then there’s Adriano Giannini, son of Giancarlo Giannini who played Giuseppe in the 1974 original film, and watching him put Amber in her place feels especially uncomfortable. While the sexual politics may have been an important subject back when Wertmuller’s film was released, they feel completely out of place here, and this gave audiences even more of a reason to run away from any theater daring to show this horrific remake.

Ritchie’s “Swept Away” had a budget of around $10 million, and it ended up grossing a worldwide total of around $1,000,000 at the box office. My Disneyland colleague and I looked at each other after the trailer ended, and we shook our heads which was more than enough to tell everyone else in the nearby vicinity that we were not about to subject ourselves to this cinematic experience.

Check out the horrific movie trailer for 2002’s “Swept Away” down below.

 

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Gino England (1967-2015)

Gino England 1

Writer’s note: This article was originally written and published back in 2015.

I woke up this morning, had breakfast and checked out social media like I always do, and one post by John Massey caught my eye instantly:

“I lost a good friend this morning. RIP, Gino England.”

This had me in a state of shock and left me deeply saddened. I had the pleasure of working with Gino England for a few years at the Innoventions attraction in Disneyland, and I know he had spent the last year or so battling cancer. From all the pictures of him going through what he went through, his smile was always there to where it honestly looked like he had this merciless disease licked. But sadly, his body gave out and he passed away this morning at 10:00 a.m.

Gino England 2

Gino’s passing is another reminder of just how much I hate cancer. Like many diseases, it doesn’t care how old you are or how well you take care of yourself. And believe it or not, it doesn’t care if you are a smoker. People get cancer for many different reasons and it doesn’t always come down to how many Marlboro Light cigarettes you suck on. What enrages me is that it takes away some of the nicest and kindest people I have known in life at far too young an age. It robbed me of my friends Scott Boliver, Jim Kirkwood and Grant Martin, people who I believe still had a lot more to give. Gino was one of those people, so it is utterly devastating that he was taken away from us in this way. I don’t know his exact age, but I assure you that he was still a young man.

Cancer fucking sucks, there’s no doubt about that. Fuck cancer and the camel it came in on!

There are many people out there who can and should write a better eulogy for Gino. The last time I saw him was a few years ago when he and his wife were hosting a screening of Alfred Hitchcock’s “The Birds” at the Chinese Theater in Hollywood. It was great to run into these two again as they are such wonderful souls, and seeing Gino there quickly reminded me of what a wonderful guy he was to be around.

Gino really was one of the nicest people you could ever hope to meet, and it was great to know that people like him could still exist in a world that keeps beating everyone down in different ways. Life in the real world seems destined to wipe the smiles off our faces, but that never ever happened with Gino. I guess that’s the thing I remember about him the best; he was always smiling no matter what life threw at him. I love that people like Gino existed because it’s far too easy to become such a complete cynic in this lifetime, and Gino never became that kind of person.

Gino England 3

Just look at the things said about Gino in light of his passing:

 

“Gino, I can’t believe you are gone. You were one of the greats. Thank you for being in my life. RIP.

                                                                                                                            -Erin Renee Scabareti

“What can I say about my friend Gino. He will be greatly missed. Always funny always giving and always punching you if you looked at his thumb and forefinger in a circle. So sad that he is gone. So thankful that I go to know him and act with him. Here is just one of the best bits the two of us got to do together. ” I say who on first, what on second, I don’t know is on third.” Don’t forget your part my friend will perform that routine again someday.”

                                                                                                                                              -Karl Jaecke

“Hey Gino remember the time I went to see your Special FX show at Universal Studios? We waited to see you show stop your own damn show. ::Sigh:: I’m going to miss you man. Love you lots!”

                                                                                                                                    -Esteban Ramirez

“We always said that Innoventions was a family. Today we lost Gino England to cancer and I feel like he was always one of us. Having lost my own mother to cancer, I can honestly say that I HATE CANCER but I am glad that Gino was in my life from the first day I hired into Inno(ventions). In fact, he was the greeter cm on the day I found I was transferring in. He called me Marcie from peanuts, and I would always respond with, “Yes Sir.” And he would always laugh. I am glad that Craig Smith brought Gino some comic relief because the newer kids all got to hear stories about him. We are a family. Any one of my Inno friends that I’ve upset in the past I apologize from the bottom of my heart because I honestly don’t want to lose any of you before I have to. RIP Gino.”

                                                                                                                                       -Robyn Gleason

 

“At (Knott’s) Scary Farm…

*Monster jumps out*

Monster: “Arrrgghhh….oh, hey Gino, I didn’t realize it was you. How the hell are you?”

Jess: “Damn it Gino, nobody is scaring us cuz they all wanna talk to you!!”

                                                                                                                                         -K.J. Van Nevel

“Gino was one of my favorite co-workers when I worked at Disneyland. He was always quick with a joke and could turn anyone’s bad day around. He was always kind to everyone. Lost children seemed to flock to him and I often remember him walking around with a tiny child by his side while he looked for their parents. You will truly be missed Gino. The world is a lot less funny without you.”

                                                                                                                               -Tricia Stahly Asbra

“My friends and family, today I lost my best friend and the best father, Gino England. He fought hard and was telling jokes until the end. He was one the funniest, bravest and generous people I ever knew.”

                                                                                                                       -Lisa Klubniken England

“Stunned…saddened…Reading this news put a pause in my heart. Whenever I think of Gino, it is always Joy and Laughter. Every single day I had the honor and privilege to work with this extraordinary person, I knew that I would smile and laugh. Every single time. I never knew a bigger heart, and all that goodness followed him. Rest in peace dear, dear soul. From now on whenever I hear thunder, I know it’s you laughing and making everyone with you laugh along.”

                                                                                                                                    -Drew Hayashida

 

“Why do we keep losing all the good ones to cancer? You will be missed, Gino England.”

                                                                                                                                              -John Collin

“’Gino, Gino…get a burrito!’

‘No thanks, Jess. I’m not mad at my ass today.’”

                                                                                                                                        -Jessica Balicki

“I can’t believe it, buddy. Just thought you’d make it through. Dammit…. I’ll never forget that time I ushered your Animation Academy show: a little girl in the audience held up her drawing mid show and you said, “Bitchin’!” We exchanged a quick look and then you went on with the show as if nothing odd was said. Or that time you recognized Eve Plumb after academy. Eve freakin Plumb! You’re the only person that would’ve recognized that Brady bunch gal. She was flattered to be recognized. Or that time you told Jamie off during Home rehearsals. Ohh good times. Or your general jolliness, talent and humor. That time we BOTH screwed up during the Home press opening haha… I’m so sad to hear of this, my thoughts are with your fam, RIP, say hi to my Mom up there.”

                                                                                                                                       -Carlos Campos

 

Gino England 4

Some of us can only dream of getting those kinds of notices when we pass away, and it should give you all an idea of just how appreciated Gino was while he walked the earth. We should all feel fortunate to have known somebody like him in our lifetime because most of the time we come to know people who are the exact opposite.

It’s been a long time since I have sighed so much and so deeply in a day, and that shows how saddened I am that Gino left us. Such wonderful souls like him deserve a longer stay on this crazy planet we reside on. But while his body has left us, his spirit remains as strong as ever. As long as we remember him, he will never be dead to us.

I am so sorry you had to depart this world the way you did Gino, but I will never ever forget you. How could I?

Rest in peace my friend.

Gino England 5

A memorial fund for Gino England has been set up on GoFundMe.com and I encourage you to make a donation. Even if you can only donate $5, that will still go a long way to helping his family deal with his tragic loss. Trust me, he is worth your effort. Click here to find out how you can donate.

Two Days Before September 11, 2001…

country-bear-jamboree-poster

As much as I want to talk about what I was doing on September 10, 2001, I can’t remember the specifics of that particular day. Back then I was more consistent in keeping a diary of what I did from day to day, but September 10th was a day I never got to write about. So instead, allow me to go back two days before those planes crashed into the twin towers of the World Trade Center on September 11th

Back in 2001, I was working at Disneyland in an attraction called Innoventions. It was in the spinning building located in Tomorrowland where America Sings and Carousel of Progress used to be. That particular attraction was about technology of the future, but others described it dismissively as a corporate playground, and I was an interactive host doing game shows and helping guests have the best day possible at “the happiest place on Earth.” (Writer’s note: Innoventions finally closed down on March 31, 2015.)

Anyway, this particular day stood out because, right after the park closed, cast members, Disney lingo for employees, were invited to catch the very last performances of the Country Bear Jamboree attraction, the famous audio-animatronic show with bears and the mounted heads of dead animals singing country music. This one was close to reaching its 30th anniversary, and while Walt Disney never got to see it come to fruition, he really loved the characters who were part of it.

Country Bear Jamboree was being closed down to make room for a new attraction which seemed sacrilegious to those who worked at the park, but change was in the air and we couldn’t stop it. Some said what would replace it would be one-part Circle-Vision, that 360-degree theater in Tomorrowland which had railings for guests to hold on to instead of seats as they were made to feel like they were moving along with the images shown onscreen. Others said the other part would be “Captain Eo,” the sci-fi 3D short film directed by Francis Ford Coppola and starring Michael Jackson.

Now when I was working at Disneyland, “Captain Eo” had not been shown there for years, but guests were still constantly asking us where they could see it. We all figured all the guests would know the movie was no longer showing at the park, but no one is quick to look at the map to see what is and what isn’t there. Sadly, it would take Jackson’s death to bring it back to Tomorrowland in all its technologically dated glory.

While I was never a big fan of the Country Bear Jamboree, I felt obligated to attend its final performances. At the very least it gave me the unique privilege of allowing me to say I attended the last show, something millions of visitors would never get to lay claim to. It was like when the dorm I stayed in during college got a zero score on the first week of back to school contests. No else got a score as low as ours, and we wore this fact with pride as only we could lay claim to having accomplished that.

country-bear-jamboree-teddi-barra

After all these years, the bear I remembered most was Teddi Barra who descended from the ceiling on a swing decorated with roses and wearing a yellow raincoat. This soon made perfect sense as she began to sing “Singin’ in the Rain.” Many will want the starring role in a production, but it’s always the supporting players who command the most attention. Trust me, I speak from experience.

country-bear-jamboree-animal-heads

Also, the mounted heads of animals on the wall left a vivid impression on me. These were animals shot for sport, and yet they still sang with a lot of heart and spirit despite the fact they were now forever nailed to a wall. And keep in mind, Walt Disney also made “Bambi,” and we know what happened to the title character’s mother. Why didn’t they have Bambi’s mother’s head up there? I’d like to think it would have made a difference for all the children forever traumatized by the movie.

Many in attendance were wearing “Save The Country Bears” t-shirts which, while well-intentioned, proved to be utterly pointless as the decision to close the attraction down was made a long time in advance. Still seeing this attraction being closed down felt very sad because a part of Walt Disney’s spirit which brought about this park’s creation seemed to be going away with it. But change keeps coming for better or worse, and Disneyland would never have survived without the corporate world backing it up.

When the final performance came to a close, the cast members operating the attraction asked if we wanted to see it one more time. Of course, we said yes as it was not lost on any of us how we were a part of something many others would never get to experience. Seeing it for a final time made us feel lucky and special, and when it was all over we gave the attraction a long lasting and an ear-splittingly loud standing ovation. I personally felt privileged to be a part of this because many other jobs never would have allowed for such an opportunity like this.

walt-disney-with-friends

There are those cast members who say Walt is spinning in his grave with all the changes being made to his land of imagination. We still wonder how much of him is left in the park, and I’m not just referring to those urban legends like the one which says he’s buried underneath it or cryogenically frozen. I had the great opportunity of working with cast members who truly want to preserve the magic Walt brought to the park as it seems the damage Michael Eisner left in his path feels irreparable.

In retrospect, the closing of the Country Bear Jamboree served as an accidental allegory for the change which forever changed us in the wake of September 11th. Back then, I felt so lucky to be catching the bears’ unfortunate end when so many others couldn’t, and at least we had to chance to say goodbye to something or somebody. How ironic it was that a couple of days later we said a horrific and unexpected goodbye to the twin towers and many innocent lives in a way we didn’t see coming. It proved to be a time where we wanted to change the course of events, but of course we could not. The world can be very cruel, and 15 years have now passed since we were greeted with the worst terrorist attack in American history. Here’s hoping we continue to learn from the events of September 11th to where we can finally keep history from repeating itself.

Writer’s note: The Country Bear Jamboree attraction was eventually turned into the Winnie the Pooh ride. Truth be told, I am a die-hard Eeyore fan, so I have to admit I was really excited at what it would look like. It proved to be fun, but there could have been a lot more of Eeyore featured in it, a lot more.