Shia LaBeouf

‘Constantine’ Movie and 4K Review

Posted on by The Ultimate Rabbit

The following review was written by Ultimate Rabbit correspondent, Tony Farinella.

Back in 2005 (I realize I’m aging myself by opening with that), I used to go to the movie theater just about every weekend to see the latest releases with my best friend at the time. For some reason, “Constantine” did not find its way onto our radar. I also skipped the film during my weekly visits to Blockbuster Video and Hollywood Video. At the time, I was an avid viewer of Ebert and Roeper, formerly Siskel and Ebert, and Roger Ebert named it one of the worst films of 2005. I imagine this had a lot to do with me ignoring the film because growing up, their weekly review program was something I took to heart. When I heard “Constantine” was being released on 4K in honor of its 20th anniversary, I figured it was finally time to sit down and check out the film for myself.

“Constantine” follows the character of John Constantine, played by Keanu Reeves, and he’s an expert in the occult.  He believes there is a “balance” happening in the world between the souls of those who are walking the earth. Essentially, their souls are up for grabs. In his mind, it is up to him to make sure the evil souls are where they belong in hell, and the good souls stay on the straight and narrow. If John can perform enough good deeds, he hopes he can save his own soul because he has lung cancer and doesn’t have a lot of time left on this earth. However, he has a complicated past, so it might be too little, too late for him.

John meets a detective named Angela Dodson (Rachel Weisz) who is looking for answers after her twin sister’s suicide. Angela knows her sister did not commit suicide, and she believes something sinister is at play with her death. This falls back in line with John’s thinking, which is that the souls on earth are being influenced by evil bidders who are looking to bring them to hell. Because Angela’s family is religious, she is concerned her sister will not be able to make it to heaven because of her suicide.

On the surface, I liked the concept of “Constantine” as it reminded me of the films in “The Conjuring” universe with its views on demons and the occult. It also had a mystery element as well, which appealed to me.  I wanted to know the answers to some of the questions raised in the film.  I thought the first hour was captivating, intriguing and intense. I was interested in seeing how it was all going to play out, and I was along for the ride. Somewhere along the way in the latter half, it started to really lose my interest and also my patience with its story.

One of the biggest issues with the film is its lead actor, Keanu Reeves. I found his performance and the writing of his character to be silly and goofy. He has these terrible one-liners which are painfully unfunny, and he also delivers his lines in such a morose and blasé way. It really took me out of the film at times.  The Shia LaBeouf cab-driver character was also completely unnecessary and added nothing to the film. I did think Rachel Weisz gave a really good performance here as she is smart, tough and driven.  She is looking for answers when it comes to her sister, and she is not interested in playing any games. Weisz gives a serious and committed performance.

I would have liked it if they had written John Constantine’s character with the same level of seriousness and intelligence. I’m not against some comedic relief in a supernatural film like this, but it felt like he was Freddy Krueger with some of the silliness he was reading on screen. I really didn’t like it, and it made me wonder how this film would have turned out if they had hired an actor like Brad Pitt for this role as he can play cocky, charismatic and funny without trying too hard. Reeves needs the right role in order to show off his acting chops, and I didn’t think this film was in his wheelhouse. He seemed unaffected by a lot of what was happening on screen.

Another issue is when the demons come out to play. They are not that interesting as sparring partners for our main characters. I found them to be rather lackluster in terms of how they were written, and how they came across on screen. Tilda Swinton is a terrific actress, and I wish she had more to do and say here. Peter Stormare is over-the-top in a very uneven way, and I didn’t connect with his performance. Overall, this is a film with some thought-provoking ideas, and it’s directed with terrific style by Francis Lawrence, but the screenplay is wildly uneven. It needed a better performance from its leading man or a different leading man all together.

* * out of * * * *

4K Info: “Constantine” is released on a single 4K disc from Warner Brothers Home Entertainment. There is an insert inside, which includes a digital copy of the film as well.  The film has a running time of 121 minutes and is rated R for violence and demonic images.

4K Video Info: The film is treated to a Dolby Vision transfer, and it’s simply stunning. I haven’t seen the film in any other format as this was my first time watching it, but I found the color palette to be bold when it needed to be, and also dark when the material was shot at night.  The image is clean, crisp and vivid.

4K Audio Info: There is also a really solid Dolby Atmos track included here too with subtitles in English, Spanish and French. This is a soundtrack that is consistent and level throughout the duration of this movie.

Special Features:

NEW Feature – Two Decades of Damnation

Audio Commentary featuring Francis Lawrence and Akiva Goldsman

Audio Commentary featuring Kevin Brodbin and Frank A. Cappello

Channeling Constantine

Conjuring Constantine

Director’s Confessional

Collision with Evil

Holy Relics

Shotgun Shootout

Hellscape

Visualizing Vermin

Warrior Wings

Unholy Abduction

Demon Face

Constantine’s Cosmology

Foresight: The Power of Pre-Visualization

A Writer’s Vision

Deleted Scenes + Alternate Ending

Should You Buy It?

It seems as though this film has gained a cult following in the twenty years since it has been released, which shows the importance of physical media.  While I don’t think it’s as bad as the late, great Roger Ebert said it was in his initial review, I also don’t think it’s a cult classic either. I fall somewhere in the middle with “Constantine.” I wanted to like it, and I was enjoying the hell out of it for the first sixty minutes of its running time, but it lost me in the second half. I wanted to see a satisfying resolution to what was presented in the first half. This film looks and sounds great on 4K, and they even introduced a new special feature here as well, which I’m sure is going to make fans very happy. For now, I’d recommend you check it out first if you haven’t seen it before, and then decide if you want to buy it. You can rent it on many digital platforms for the low price of $3.99 and then, if you do like it, you can pick up the 4K. If you are a fan of this film and have been waiting for its 4K release for a long time, you have an awesome looking slipcover version, or you can pick up the 4K Steelbook instead.

**Disclaimer** I received a copy of this film from Warner Brothers to review for free.  The opinions and statements in the review are mine and mine alone.

‘Megalopolis’ – A Beautiful Mess, and I Liked It

Posted on by The Ultimate Rabbit

So, help me, I liked “Megalopolis.” Francis Ford Coppola’s passion project which has been decades in the making. It was finally unleashed unto the world at large, and the reviews have been incredibly polarizing as audiences were either enthralled or baffled by what they witnessed. it was pretty much considered a box office bomb in advance as studios had no idea of how to promote it, and it debuted with a terrible $4 million gross which looks horrid for a film with a $120 million budget. But while it has been met with the same critical and commercial derision as another Coppola film, “One From The Heart,” was greeted with back in 1982, it shows he has no fear or shame in taking grandiose risks with the material given to him.

Going into “Megalopolis,” I was determined to watch it with as open a mind as possible. Judging from the many Hollywood studios’ collective refusal to promote or market it, I assumed this would be a genre defying motion picture since no executive had a clear idea of how to sell it. I also did not go in expecting something along the lines of “The Godfather” or “Apocalypse Now.” Those classic films were their own things, and this one is quite another.

What I discovered was a cinematic mess, but it’s an enthralling mess with many ideas on its mind and beautiful visuals few other filmmakers could pull off. Seeing it with an audience, some of which did walk out on it, made it all the more entertaining as everyone really got into it, for better or worse. Like Richard Kelly’s “Southland Tales,” I really dug the heedless ambition Coppola brought to this long gestating project, but “Megalopolis” is a bit better as the story is a little more understandable and easier to get the gist of.

The film, which is described as a fable, is set in an alternate version of America where New York City has been rechristened as New Rome. Crime is terrible and poverty is rampant while the rich revel in their decadent desires. Then along comes Cesar Catalina (Adam Driver), a futuristic architect whose invention of the Megalon, a new bio-adaptive building material, offers a great change to the world. His plan is to use it to build a futuristic utopian city of his design. He also has the ability to stop time in its track, which gives no meaning to the term, “time stops for no one.”

But, as Nick Nolte once said at a press conference I attended, “there will always be change and there will always be resistance to change.” The resistance comes from corrupt New Rome Mayor Franklyn Cicero (Giancarlo Esposito) who prefers to keep the status quo the same as it ever was where the rich get richer, and the poor get poorer and like the average New York mayor, Cicero is constantly booed by the citizens he zealously yields power over. Even as the crowds jeer him, he still smiles that big smile of his which makes me wonder if he is ignorant, hopelessly naïve, or just a narcissist.

Now I am sure you guessed it already, but the Roman names are intentional as Coppola is comparing the fall of Rome to what America is going through, and he was influenced by the Catilinarian conspiracy when he wrote the screenplay. That conspiracy involved a coup back in 65 BC when Lucius Sergius Catilina attempted to overthrow the Roman consuls of Marcus Tullius Cicero and Gaius Antonius Hybrida, and forcibly assume control of the state. it is clear both Catalina and Cicero want a measure of power over the citizens of New Rome, and neither will let anything stand in their way in obtaining it.

Another character making a play for political power is Clodio Pulcher (Shia LaBeouf who is especially lively here), Catilina’s resentful cousin who looks to embarrass him in the most unforgettable ways possible. He looks to win the New Rome citizens over by starting a campaign which invites comparisons to the term “Make America Great Again.”

There is a lot more I can tell you about “Megalopolis’” story, but there is honestly enough for several movies here. As a result, watching it once is not nearly enough for me. There are a lot of plot threads which go in various directions, and while some may say this film does not have enough of a center, I think it does. Perhaps it will take some time to put all the pieces together when it comes to this passion project. Or, if Coppola lives long enough, we will get another cut of the film as he likes to fiddle around with his previous works.

Some have expressed fierce criticism over how the actors seem to be acting in different movies here as the performances range from natural to utterly theatrical. Indeed, there are a various number of acting styles clashing with one another here, but I was not really bothered by this. Considering how divided America has become in the past decade or so. We have citizens accepting one reality while others are accepting its polar opposite. As a result, the conflicting styles this motion picture has to offer us made a lot of sense to me.

Adam Driver makes Catilina into an especially compelling character like he always does, Jon Voight does some of his best work in a while as Catalina’s wealthy uncle, Crassus, who has more tricks up his sleeves than the actor would ever be quick to let on. Nathalie Emmanuel, who plays Julia Cicero, Catalina’s love interest and Cicero’s daughter, and does a great job of further emphasizing the intense conflict between the two men.

But if there is a most valuable player to be found in “Megalopolis.” It is Aubrey Plaza who portrays Wow Platinum, a television personality who goes from being Catalina’s mistress to Crassus’ lover and wife as she desires nothing more than money and power, and it becomes crystal clear what she will do to get them. Plaza is given free rein to chew the scenery every which way she likes. there is no forgetting her presence once you walk out of the theater as she revels in portraying such a despicable Lady Macbeth-like character.

What else can I say about “Megalopolis” that I haven’t already? Yes, it is a mess full of ideas which Coppola has spread all over the place, and there are flaws which are quite glaring. Still, it is an infinitely creative piece of work. The visual effects serve the material without overwhelming it, and there is an unforgettable beauty in the color scheme Coppola employs here.

I have no shame in giving “Megalopolis” a positive review. No, it is not Francis Ford Coppola’s masterpiece (for me, that would be “The Conversation”), but it was great fun seeing the famed filmmaker and winemaker swinging for the stars. He walks a tightrope throughout, taking risks and challenges along which most directors would never do today.

“Megalopolis” is very, very earnest in its designs as Coppola leaves us with a plea for peace and a world which everyone regardless of class and creed can fully benefit from. This may seem like a pipe dream considering how the world is currently tearing itself apart due to religious or ideological differences, but it is a memorable epitaph, should this film be his final work.

And at the very least, we will always have Adam Driver’s unforgettable delivery of “da club.”

* * * ½ out of * * * *

‘Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull’ – It’s Not Bad

Posted on by The Ultimate Rabbit

WRITER’S NOTE: This review was written back in 2008.

“Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” is another in a long line of films listed as the most eagerly awaited in cinema history. However, what the “Star Wars” prequels and “The Matrix” sequels taught us, whatever you thought of them, is that the expectation of something tends to be far more exciting than the finished product. This always works against movies like these because we are just so excited about sitting down to see them, and we have images of what we would like to be inside our head, but they never quite meet our expectations. Ever since I saw “Star Trek V: The Final Frontier,” I have done my best to keep my expectations in check. It is far too easy to be disappointed by a movie you wait impatiently for. I came into this latest Indiana Jones adventure just wanting to have a good time, and you know what? That’s exactly what I got.

This Indiana Jones cinematic installment is not without its flaws, and this is typically the case with all the sequels in this franchise. The screenplay at times is a bit convoluted, and it’s a little hard to figure out what the whole deal with the crystal skull is (a second viewing may end up rectifying that). It’s not the equal of “Raiders of the Lost Ark,” but expecting it to be an instant classic is ridiculous. The first adventure of Dr. Jones is such a favorite of moviegoers everywhere, and it has since been held so far up in the pantheon of cinema to where it is impossible to beat it in terms of its entertainment value and freshness. For myself, just seeing Harrison Ford put on that fedora one more time was more than enough for me.

“Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” moves Indiana Jones to the 1950’s. The Nazis are all gone (or so we thought), and in their place are the Russians, the villain of choice back in the day. Indy and his pal ‘Mac’ George McHale (Ray Winstone) have been captured by them and taken over to Area 51 in New Mexico, the warehouse where the United States government hides all the things it wants no one to see. This leads to the first big action sequence which gets things off to a rousing start. While the circumstances might seem a bit ridiculous, these movies deal with death-defying actions and situations which do not instantly lend themselves to reality, and these are stories which take a place in a reality somewhat removed from our own.

Dr. Henry Jones Jr. (his real name as we learned it from “The Last Crusade”) still teaches archaeology courses, but he soon finds himself dismissed as he is under suspicion of being a Communist. Back in the days of the Joseph McCarthy era, you were guilty until proven innocent. Time has certainly passed by for Indy and his university friend Dean Charles Stanforth (Jim Broadbent), and they have both lost friends over the years like Indy’s father and Marcus Brody (played by the late Denholm Elliott, who is appropriately acknowledged here years after his death). But just as Indy heads off to go around the world, he is visited by Mutt Williams, a 1950’s greaser played by Shia LeBeouf. Mutt informs Indiana his mother has been kidnapped and needs his help to get to the Crystal Skull of this film’s title.

The Russians are led by Irina Spalko, and she is played with utter relish by Cate Blanchett. Irina is a cold, steely Russian whose interest in psychic powers and education proves to be more dangerous than anyone can quickly realize. Like all the villains in this franchise, she lusts for ultimate power and is determined to get it at any cost. Of course, her lust and greed will lead to her eventual undoing. You know how these movies go, and while Irina may not be the greatest villain in this franchise, she is still a formidable foe as embodied by Blanchett, one of many actresses out there who can play just about anybody.

“Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” does feature great stunts which, even if they are not entirely believable, still generate a good deal of excitement. Some are ridiculously over the top, like Shia’s character swinging along vines with the monkeys. But then again, not everything in this movie is meant to be completely believable. Spielberg said he would not rely so much on CGI effects in this movie, but you do notice them when you see them, and it does take away from the action a little. In the end though, the movie keeps up at a pace which never lets you catch your breath.

When this film was first announced, many said Ford was just too damn old to play this or any other role in your average action film. Frankly, I am sick of all this talk about any actor or actress who is at the AARP age level. Ford certainly doesn’t look his age (who does these days?), and he still handles the action scenes with a supreme gusto which proved how serious he is about staying in shape. No one will ever surpass Ford in this iconic role, and I would hate to see anyone else try.

But one of the greatest moves which Spielberg and Lucas did here was bring back Karen Allen as Marion Ravenwood, Indiana’s love from “Raiders of the Lost Ark.” It is so great to see her again as she matches wits with Indiana at every step of the way. Marion also turns out to be Mutt’s mother, and this leads to other revelations ehich I invite you to see for yourself. There is a line of dialogue where Marion and Indy are in the back of a truck trying to escape, and she asks Indy why his other relationships didn’t last, and Indy says:

“Because they weren’t you, Marion.”

This points the obvious of how the other heroines of these movies didn’t even come close to matching the wonderful presence of Marion, and Allen continues to be such an immensely engaging presence in this and other movies she is in. Her character is not a whiny pain in the neck like Willie Scott (Kate Capshaw) in “Temple of Doom,” nor is she the underwritten cold-blooded character played by Allison Doody in “The Last Crusade.” It is clear that everyone involved knew that they could do no worse than to bring Allen back. I am very glad that they did.

The big surprise I got from this movie was the performance of Shia LeBeouf. I expected him to be an annoying sidekick a la Short Round from “Temple of Doom,” and essentially give the same annoying performance he gave us in “Transformers.” But this was not the case as he perfectly slipped into the mold of a 1950’s greaser out to save his mother. He matches wits well with Ford as they journey to other countries on a search and rescue mission. Thus, we get another one of those scenes where we see a map and a red line showing where our heroes are going, silhouetted against the planes and other transportation they use to get to their final destination. LaBeouf is very good here, even if he does end up on the verge of some Wesley Crusher-like moments.

Ray Winstone is also very good, as he is in everything else he does. At first, I started to wonder if his character was necessary, and if was basically just there as a foil for both Indy and the plot. Winstone’s performance, however, helps to make some of the more implausible moments in more believable as he sucks us into what his character wants, and he convinces us of this as much as he does Indiana Jones.

I have to give the filmmakers some credit as they took their iconic hero and placed him in another period of time. Having Dr. Jones go up against the Russians showed that at least the filmmakers were trying something a little bit different instead of just giving us the same old thing. There are a lot of moments where Spielberg and Lucas pay homage to the earlier Indy movies as well as to other Spielberg movies like “Close Encounters of the Third Kind.” There is a big science-fiction/B-movie element to this one in particular, something the previous installments would have never gone near, but these movies have always indulged in the world of fantasies be it real or imagined, so why not deal with extra-terrestrials?

There is actually a surprising lack of snakes in this sequel, but one does make a memorable cameo appearance. The main animals to fear here are red ants who, even in their CGI form, are terrifying man and woman eaters. We even worry about them devouring the bad guys. Even if the angry red ants do look a bit fake, they still left me unnerved like all the dangerous animals in an Indiana Jones do.

“Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” is by no means a perfect movie, but then again, we should never have expected it to be. None of the sequels in this series were perfect either, but whatever flaws they had were eventually redeemed by their entertainment factor which was far above most other blockbusters overcrowding the local multiplex. The only movie in this franchise that has any right to be called perfect is “Raiders of the Lost Ark,” and nothing is ever going to top that. Ever.

I would probably rate this particular sequel just right above “Temple of Doom.” While that one may have been a little more entertaining, it also had a first half and characters that drove me up the wall. It doesn’t have the same amount of heart and character as “Raiders” or “The Last Crusade,” but these characters still remain true to their origins and they keep us engaged in the action. And yes, I had no problem with the “nuke the fridge” scene.

In terms of the summer movies released thus far, “Iron Man” is still the movie to beat. “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” is not quite as good, but “Iron Man” is a strong movie for more or less the same reasons “Raiders of the Lost Ark” was when it was first released. They both brought a freshness and energy to their genres which had become somewhat dormant, and they were created by filmmakers who cared about the stories and the characters involved. “Iron Man” will eventually lead to a number of sequels, most of which will probably not hold a candle to the original. While we want some of the same old stuff, we also want something new which brings a fresh edge to what we saw before. With the latest adventure of Indiana Jones, it was business as usual, but that was more than enough for me.

And stop telling me that Harrison Ford is too old to be doing movies like this because, quite frankly, I don’t give a shit!

* * * ½ out of * * * *

‘Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen’ Belongs in the Cinematic Abyss

Posted on by The Ultimate Rabbit

Transformers Revenge of the Fallen poster

To a certain extent, I have been happy to defend Michael Bay on some of his movies. “The Rock” was a kick ass action flick, and it brought Nicholas Cage to a whole new level of stardom which he has since pissed away. When he gave us “Transformers” two years ago, it seemed really good when you compared it to his other movies. It seemed like he might turn out to be better than we typically give him credit for. Heck, Steven Spielberg worked with him on it for crying out loud!

But now comes the inevitable sequel entitled “Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen,” which I thought could be the “Empire Strikes Back” of the franchise, but this not even close to being the case. If I didn’t have an intense hatred of Bay before, I sure as hell do now. I came out of this sequel cursing his name as if he had no reason to live. “Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen” may very well represent the biggest waste of money ever spent on any film I have seen since “Waterworld” or even “Norbit”. Yes, the movie has action all over the place and the effects are incredible and incredibly loud as you would expect them to be, but I came out of it wanting to spit at the screen. This is a movie with no heart or soul, and it renders all the hard work put into it as utterly meaningless. What a pathetic waste of celluloid this is! But what’s truly depressing is no matter how critically thrashed this movie gets, it will still make tons of money.

Shia LaBeouf returns as Sam Witwicky in a performance which threatens to be as utterly annoying as Ralph Macchio’s in “The Karate Kid Part III.” Despite being a hero and helping the Autobots defeat the evil Decepticons in the first movie, he still acts like a pussy whipped bitch here. I don’t think LaBeouf is a bad actor, but he needs to stop playing characters like this lest people start thinking he’s playing himself. The first “Transformers” gave his career a huge leg up, but this god-awful sequel can take him down just the same.

Megan Fox also returns as Sam’s voraciously attractive girlfriend Mikaela Banes, and she makes her entrance by leaning over a motorcycle showing off one of her best “assets.” This will probably piss people off as Bay makes good sport of objectifying women throughout, and it wouldn’t be the first time either. Still, I would be a bit of a hypocrite if I didn’t say I enjoyed this visual even if it was from a faraway distance. Hey Fox, I know you want to be taken seriously as an actress and, believe it or not, I would like to see that happen for you. All the same, if there is a third “Transformers” movie, I strongly advise you NOT to do it. I honestly think you deserve better than this.

The plot of “Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen” is… well, it’s somewhere in there. It involves… uh, some shard from that cube lodged in Sam’s clothing which…umm…well, ends up filling his head with symbols that… Jesus this is hard to describe! It makes Sam write all these symbols that…that…I don’t know, lead him to this big fight in Egypt… Oh yeah, he meets up again with Optimus Prime from the first one… Bumblebee is back too, and he threatens to be even more of a pussy than Sam is, but he kicks ass… Then they end up in Egypt and fight alongside those military dudes from the previous film…you know, Josh Duhamel and Tyrese Gibson? And then… uh, well… There’s a lot of action!

It’s clear from the start Bay is not concerned with developing a good story or giving us characters who are anything but shallow. It certainly would help to bring us into the action more on an emotional level. I have a pretty good idea what Bay is thinking: Fuck the critics! I make movies for the audience, not you snobs! But in the process of flipping the bird to film critics, he is also insulting the audience’s intelligence. And yes, this includes all those 12 and 13-year old’s who this movie was clearly made for. I can’t say I was a huge fan of the Transformers as a kid, but I bet the most die-hard fans will find much to hate about this horrid sequel, and the call for Bay’s blood will be as loud as the explosions are in this film.

All the hallmarks of a Bay movie can be found here; loud explosions every other millisecond, characters communicating by yelling at each other even when they are in earshot of each other, and inane dialogue which makes George Lucas’ sound like John Patrick Shanley’s. I’m sure there are many who will say this is a movie where you should “check your brain at the door,” but this sentiment only goes so far. There is a point where you take your audience for granted, and finding forgiveness for this transgression is a bitch. This isn’t the first time Bay has gone out of his way to intentionally piss off those critics who hate his films. “Bad Boys II,” another cinematic monstrosity, was Bay lighting a fire under the ass of many a film critic. But the maker of one god awful sequel has now succeeded in creating one which is far worse.

Bay flips the bird at us even more by introducing two Autobots which are nothing more than extremely offensive stereotypes of the blatantly racist kind. I’m talking about Mudflap and Skids, the Transformers’ answer to Jar Jar Binks. I figured by having an actor like Tyrese Gibson might balance out things here since he doesn’t descend into any stereotypical behavior, but this is a movie whose main audience will be kids for crying out loud! I usually think people look into the way certain people are portrayed in movies a little too much, but this time the criticism is more than justified as Mudflap and Skids are two infinitely misconceived characters.

Speaking of characters yelling at each other, this god forsaken sequel may very well contain the most yelling of multiple characters in any film. Do you have any idea of just how annoying it is when people TALK LIKE THIS AS IF YOU HAVE SOME HEARING DISABILITY AND THEY THINK YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH YOUR HEARING AID EVEN THOUGH YOU DON’T ACTUALLY HAVE ONE BUT THERE’S SO MUCH FIGHTING AND EXPLOSIONS GOING ON TO WHERE YOU DON’T HAVE THE TIME TO APOLOGIZE TO EACH OTHER BECAUSE YOU EITHER ARE RUNNING LIKE HELL FROM THOSE NASTY DECEPTICONS OR YOU HAVE TO FIGHT THEM ASSUMING YOU GOT ANY BALLS LIKE THE MILITARY DOES BUT HAVING ANY OLD GUN WON’T HELP BECAUSE YOU NEED THE EQUIVALENT OF A BAZOOKA?… I’m not sure I have seen another movie where I have been desperate to see so many tracheotomies performed in one sitting! It’s not enough to tell one person in this movie to shut the fuck up just once. You have to do it over and over, and they still will end up screaming their anxieties right out at you!

Not just that, but half the time I couldn’t even understand what the hell anyone was saying. Did Bay sneak crystal meth into everyone’s food? It’s bad enough he gave us a movie at two and a half hours long, but is this how he chooses to condense a lot of it? I wonder if Bay could actually explain to us what’s going on here. I bet the way he sees it, if he gave us all sorts of loud explosions and expensive special effects, then who are we to argue? You can get away with this in another movie, but not this one.

My reaction to this new “Transformers” movie reminds me of when I witnessed Roland Emmerich’s tragically horrific take on “Godzilla.” I went out of that movie feeling depressed and saying to myself if this is the way Hollywood is going to keep making movies, then I am not going to another one ever again. Over ten years later, it feels like we haven’t come any further. Does Bay really think this is something people will instantly embrace? In the end, it won’t really matter because “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” is bound to make a ton of money no matter how bad it is.

It’s not worth it wasting any more time on this movie than I already have. Seriously, I was all but ready to spit on the ground of the theater I saw it at. If you didn’t hate Bay before this movie, you will now. As I exited the theater, I quietly said to myself, “Fuck Michael Bay! Fuck him royally! Burn in hell!”

In regards to the audience I saw it with, the best piece of praise I heard from anybody about the movie was, “It’s okay.” Talk about being generous! Right now, I am sick of movies being just okay. So far, there has only been one truly great live action movie out this summer, and that’s “Star Trek.” Coincidentally, two of the screenwriters on this massive train wreck, Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman, also wrote the screenplay for that one. What the hell guys? Or maybe you’ll get off easy since Bay runs through your dialogue so fast to where we can’t possibly understand what anyone is saying. But don’t worry guys, Bay is taking all the heat on this one.

Michael Bay, you have just given us a great example of how NOT to make a summer blockbuster. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go watch “No Country for Old Men” just so I won’t forget what great filmmaking looks and feels like.

ZERO out of * * * *

*This review should suffice for the “Transformers” sequel of your choice.  

Fury

Posted on by The Ultimate Rabbit

Fury movie poster

When it comes to David Ayer, you know he’s not going to slack off when it comes to researching his movie’s subject matter. His movies like the brilliant “End of Watch” and the underappreciated “Sabotage” had characters dealing with a vicious reality which they are forced to contend with on a regular basis, and Ayer makes us feel how frightening this reality is whether we want to be a part of it or not. That remains the case with “Fury,” a war film which takes us all the way back to the final days of World War II. It features all the usual characters we expect to see in a war film from the hardened Army sergeant to the innocent rookie, but you come out of it knowing what it feels like to be in a tank.

Brad Pitt stars as Don “Wardaddy” Collier, the commander of a five-man tank crew which is ordered to make a final push into Nazi Germany during World War II. Don is saddled with a battle ready crew which includes Boyd “Bible” Swan (Shia LaBeouf), Cpl. Trini “Gordo” Garcia (Michael Pena) and Grady “Coon-Ass” Travis (Jon Bernthal). After losing one of their members, they are suddenly saddled with the most baby-faced rookie imaginable in Army Private Norman Ellison (Logan Lerman). Don doesn’t like Norman’s presence one little bit as he feels it threatens everyone’s safety, but his superiors force him to take him on regardless of his objections. As a result, Don is forced to make Norman grow up a lot sooner than he wants, and it’s all in the name of survival.

For a time, I thought that Norman was going to be like Jeremy Davies’ character from “Saving Private Ryan” in that he would be the wimp who wouldn’t have the nerve to kill the enemy until the very end. Don, however, doesn’t have the patience to wait for Norman to grow a pair and forces him to kill a Nazi prisoner early on. Lerman gives a tremendous performance as Norman, and it’s fascinating to watch him go from being an anxiety ridden soldier to a hardened war veteran who doesn’t hesitate to take out as many Nazis as humanly possible.

There haven’t been many tank movies in the history of cinema. The only ones I can think of are Kevin Reynolds’ “The Beast” which came out in 1988 and the Israeli war film “Lebanon” which depicted warfare as witnessed from inside a tank. It’ll be interesting to see how they compare to Fury which puts you right into these characters’ mindsets as they lay waste to their target without the benefit of ear protection. You come to feel as battered and hardened as the crew does during their patrol through enemy territory where they find themselves outnumbered and outgunned.

It’s hard to watch “Fury” without thinking of Pitt’s performance as Aldo Raine in “Inglorious Basterds,” but he does succeed in making “Wardaddy” distinct from that character whether he is sporting facial hair or not. I always enjoy Pitt’s performances when he’s all dirtied up and free of his movie star looks, and this is one of them. You believe Pitt as a war veteran who has seen countless battles and has long since been worn down by them. But for Don, his main concern is keeping his crew alive, and Pitt is great at making you feel his character’s barely hidden vulnerability which is always on the verge of being exposed for all to see

Pena is an Ayer regular, having worked with him previously on “End of Watch,” and he has yet to disappoint in any role he takes on. As Trini, he gives us a character who was one of the many Latino military officers who fought for America back in the 1940’s. From start to finish, Pena makes Trini a war weary character who is not far from falling apart, and it makes for an intense performance.

I also give applause to Bernthal whose performance as Grady may not get all the recognition it deserves. On one hand Grady is a loathsome character we cannot stand to be around, but on the other he’s just a soldier trying to survive this war anyway he can. It’s rare to see an actor who makes you despise and sympathize with a character simultaneously, and Bernthal succeeds in pulling it off.

Another impressive performance in “Fury” comes from Shia LaBeouf as Boyd. Like Private Daniel Jackson in “Saving Private Ryan,” this guy is a trained killer but also quick to spout off passages from the Bible. Even after taking out a Nazi tank, he will still quote passages from that book with a great passion. LaBeouf got a lot of press for the method work he did on “Fury” which included pulling out a tooth, but seeing this movie is to be assured that all the work paid off for him.

Whether or not you consider “Fury” to be one of the best World War II movies ever made, it is one of the strongest to come out in the past few years. Ayer makes you feel the anxiety and exhaustion these soldiers go through while in battle, and you come out of this movie feeling as battered as they do. I very much liked what it had to offer, and I liked how Ayer didn’t try to sugarcoat reality for anyone in the slightest. That’s what makes his movies so unique and visceral.

* * * ½ out of * * * *

Copyright Ben Kenber 2014.