‘The Trump Prohecy’ – Yes, it is Real, and it Looks Awful

The Trump Prophecy poster

I learned of this movie’s existence through an article on the Birth Movies Death website, and its headline declared its trailer to be “one of the worst things we’ve ever seen.” Just when I thought I wouldn’t see a worse movie in 2018 than “Death of a Nation,” this one just might beat it for that unenviable title. But after watching this trailer, I’m not really eager to see it after sitting through Dinesh D’Souza’s latest historical garbage-fest.

The Trump Prophecy” is a Christian drama which tells the story of fireman Mark Taylor who believes, in April 2011, God told him Donald Trump would one day be elected President of the United States. Well, this makes sense, right? Because we know God talks to the sanest people on planet Earth all the time, right? And why wouldn’t God want Trump move into the White House? Could there be another white man who can personify what a true Christian is other than the host of “The Apprentice?”

Yes, I’m being sarcastic, but you can tell. “The Trump Prophecy” looks to defy all reasonable logic to make its audience believe Trump was anointed by God to become President of the United States. The trailer starts off with us being introduced to Mark Taylor (Chris Nelson) who talks about having seen everything as a fireman. But then we see him suffering through a nightmare, and the acting on display is as bad as any in “Death of a Nation.” Remember the beginning where Eva Braun dies a most unintentionally hilarious death? Mark’s bad dream threatens to be even worse.

From there, we people praying endlessly for what one character calls “the Commander-in-Chief prophecy.” Basically, Mark thinks his dreams are God’s way of talking to him. We are then shown headlines which say how Trump has no chance of winning the election, but Mark is intent on leading others in prayer as he looks to make America great again in a way which defies logic. There’s even a bible verse mentioned which I guess is used to justify this movie’s title. The description of this movie is hilarious enough, but watching its trailer has my eyes rolling all the way in the back of my head.

Look, many have a strong bias against faith-based movies like “God’s Not Dead” as they are made with an agenda in mind which results in a product which is an unforgivable insult to our collective intelligence. I try to keep an open mind to them as not all of them are out to do this, but “The Trump Prophecy” clearly is as there still many supporters who are determined to support Trump in spite of all the damage he has done so far. By now, it should be clear to the majority of Americans, let alone people around the world, that Trump is anything but a true Christian. He cheated on his wife with Stormy Daniels, his administration is full of corrupt people, several of who have since been indicted, and he clearly holds his own self-interests above all others.

“The Trump Prophecy,” like many faith-based movies, was made on a very low budget ($2 million to be exact) and in cooperation with the film department at Liberty University, the evangelical Christian school founded by the late Jerry Falwell. It is also directed by the head of that school’s film department head, Stephan Schultze. Only evangelical Christians would dare make a movie like this as they remain convinced beyond a doubt that Trump deserves to be President above all others, including those who are actual politicians.

Yes, I am tempted to see it in the same way I rush out to see Dinesh D’Souza’s movies, so I can analyze everything wrong with them. But this time I think I will pass as there are many others worth my time as Oscar season is heating up. Learning of “The Trump Prophecy” and watching its trailer simply serves as a reminder of how people willfully blind themselves to horrible truths, and of why Christianity and evangelical Christianity need to be seen as two very separate things.

Right now, I keep thinking of John Carpenter’s “Pro-Life,” the “Halloween” director’s second episode for the Showtime series “Masters of Horror.” That episode featured a religious fanatic played by Ron Perlman who was determined to rescue his daughter from an abortion clinic, especially after he hears a voice telling him to save her baby. But in the end, the voice he hears is revealed to be a demon who looks to unleash literal hell on earth. Perhaps it is unfair to compare Mark Taylor to Ron Perlman’s character as I am sure he is a decent man looking to lead a peaceful life, but hey, both said God talked to them.

Fathom Events will be screening “The Trump Prophecy” two days only, October 2 and 4, 2018, in theaters throughout the United States. While watching the trailer, which is included below, you may hear a voice talking to you. If this voice is telling you “save your money,” you are not insane.

 

Movies Mark Wahlberg Really Should Beg God’s Forgiveness for

Mark Wahlberg photo

While in Chicago where he shared the stage at the UIC Pavillion with Cardinal Blase Cupich, actor Mark Wahlberg said he prayed to God for forgiveness over starring in “Boogie Nights.” The 1997 film, which marked writer/director Paul Thomas Anderson’s cinematic breakthrough, starred Wahlberg as Eddie Adams, a high school dropout who later gained fame as porn star Dirk Diggler. Furthermore, he even apologized to the Pope for the crude humor in “Ted.” Wahlberg was quoted as saying, “I just always hope that God is a movie fan and also forgiving, because I’ve made some poor choices in my past.”

Sure Mark, you have made some poor choices, but most of them are relegated to your criminal youth. Your are a devout Roman Catholic and attend Mass on a regular basis, but I refuse to believe God would punish you for your work in a movie as brilliant as “Boogie Nights.” Besides, you succeeded in pulling off the ever so difficult transition from being a rap star (Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch) to becoming a legitimate actor thanks to your astonishing performance opposite Leonardo DiCaprio in “The Basketball Diaries.” Since then, you have brought those “good vibrations” to a variety of roles in “The Departed,” “Three Kings,” “We Own the Night,” “The Yards,” and “Lone Survivor.”

Still, while your resume is filled with great movies, it is also littered with bad ones, and I’m stunned you haven’t asked God to forgive you for the following stinkers.

Planet of the Apes Mark Wahlberg poster

Planet of the Apes

Okay, Tim Burton really should be apologizing for this one more than you. The “Beetlejuice” director is a wonderfully unique filmmaker, but I kept having to remind myself he directed this surprisingly bland and forgettable remake of the 1968 classic starring Charlton Heston. Mark, you played astronaut Leo Davidson, and even your boundless energy couldn’t save this one as very little of what I saw remains in my consciousness. It is the equivalent of a McDonald’s Happy Meal in that, whether you enjoyed it or not, it leaves no lingering aftertaste. Even the movie’s twist ending is unremarkable, and I walked out of it wondering why Burton made something so average instead of wonderfully weird.

The Truth about Charlie poster

The Truth about Charlie

Hollywood may still be a remake-happy place with many classics being plundered for a new generation of filmgoers, but there are some this town needs to leave well enough alone. Among them is “Charade,” Stanley Donen’s classic 1963 film starring Cary Grant and Audrey Hepburn, but this didn’t stop the late Jonathan Demme from remaking it as “The Truth about Charlie.” Mark, you had as much luck playing the Cary Grant role here as Russell Crowe did in playing a romantic comedy lead in “A Good Year” which is to say, not at all. Please Mark, don’t try to be the next Cary Grant or even the next Robert De Niro. Just be yourself.

The Happening movie poster

The Happening

Oh lord, where do I start with this one? Following his box office flop “Lady in the Water,” M. Night Shyamalan continued his descent into cinematic oblivion with this thriller which failed in spectacular fashion. For you Mark, “The Happening” allowed you to play a schoolteacher, something different from what we usually see you as. Shyamalan, however, directs you to some of the worst acting of your career, and your performance became hilarious for all the wrong reasons. Heck, even you were quoted as saying, “It was a really bad movie…   Fuck it. It is what it is. Fucking trees, man. The plants. Fuck it. You can’t blame me for not wanting to try to play a science teacher. At least I wasn’t playing a cop or a crook.” God must have been scratching his head while and thinking there couldn’t be a more laughable environmental thriller than “The Day After Tomorrow” until this one came along.

Max Payne movie poster

Max Payne

Even by 2008, everyone had come to the conclusion adapting video games into movies was a bad idea and almost always doomed to failure. But this didn’t stop “A Good Day to Die Hard” director John Moore from turning one of Rockstar Games’ most popular titles into a neo-noir action thriller. Mark, you may have described the script for “Max Payne” as being awesome and the character as being one of the edgier roles you have ever played, but Jim Vejvoda was correct when he described your performance as “drab.” This came out the same year as “The Happening,” and you earned a Razzie nomination as Worst Actor for both. Couldn’t you see this adaptation would look like nothing more than a “Death Wish” knock-off?

Pain & Gain poster

Pain & Gain

You may still want to get God’s forgiveness for playing a porn star, but I’m surprised you won’t do the same for playing Daniel Lugo, a man convicted of extortion, kidnapping, torture, murder, and who is now serving a life sentence in prison. Just as with Dirk Diggler in “Boogie Nights,” you were just playing a character, but if you think God has a problem with porn actors, wouldn’t he have an even bigger problem with criminals like Lugo? Furthermore, this marked your first collaboration with the cinematic devil known as Michael Bay, someone who has laid waste to our innocent memories of Transformers toys. With “Pain & Gain,” Bay wanted to do something smaller, a character piece, but this director has never been good at doing things subtly. This black comedy was based on a true story, something Bay keeps reminding us of throughout, but things never gel here despite good performances from you, Dwayne Johnson and Anthony Mackie.

Transformers Mark Wahlberg Extinction poster

Transformers: Age of Extinction

After “Transformers: Dark of the Moon,” we thought Michael Bay was forever done with this franchise to where we breathed an enormous sigh of relief. But noooooo! He just had to start a new “Transformers” trilogy and drag you along, kicking and screaming I hope. All of our hopes and prayers for a good Michael Bay “Transformers” movie were not answered as “Age of Extinction” proved to be almost as bad as “Revenge of the Fallen” to where it didn’t take long for audiences to get completely numbed to all the endless explosions Bay couldn’t stop setting off. Your line of “I think we just found a Transformer” is the only thing I can bother to remember from this misfire, and this isn’t saying much.

Ted 2 poster

Ted 2

I loved “Ted” as I always dreamed of having a living and breathing stuffed animal in my life. And Mark, seeing you and the teddy bear getting into a nasty fight remains one of the funniest scenes I have ever seen in a motion picture. But with “Ted 2,” it really seemed like you and Seth MacFarlane were just phoning it in. The “Flash Gordon” jokes fall flat here, and this sequel is desperately missing Mila Kunis. As for you getting covered in sperm samples at a lab, you are so much better than that.

Transformers The Last Knight movie poster

Transformers: The Last Knight

Mark, you said this “Transformers” sequel will mark your last appearance in the franchise, and I pray to the heavens above that you keep this promise. No amount of energy you brought to the role of Cade Yeager is enough to divert us from the fact “The Last Knight” is astonishingly incomprehensible. Did the studio executives even question Michael Bay about this film? Even now, I laugh hysterically over how incoherent the storyline is. Thanks to its disappointing box office, this may mark Bay’s end with the franchise, an end which should have come after the first film.

Mark, you probably are not reading this article, but I do admire your work as an actor, and you have given terrific performances recently in “Deepwater Horizon” and “Patriots Day.” You shouldn’t have to apologize for your work in a truly great film. Instead, you should beg God’s forgiveness for all the bad ones you got stuck in. Even the one you pray to cannot understand the plot of “Transformers: The Last Knight,” so seek your penance for that one and all the others on this list. Thanks, and God be with you.